Te Mandas Sola

 ¿Te mandas sola? A phrase so filled with sass you can feel it drip. Basically summed up to “do you think you are your own boss?” and you would think as a human you call the shots about your person, but not when you’re a child growing up in fairly old school Mexican family. 

Usually you find yourself on the receiving end of “you think you’re your own boss” because you’ve done something your guardian didn’t like or that was perceived as you disobeying. Growing up with sisters who pushed boundaries and sandwiched between the baby, I learned how to navigate it. Don’t get me wrong I still got my fair share of “te mandas sola” for different things like: wandering around the store on my own, not waiting in the exact location I was told to, or for wearing something they didn’t like. 

I grew up hearing “te mandas sola” when my sisters plucked their eyebrows, or wore their clothes a certain way or talked back or agreed to go with somewhere before asking our parents. All in all fairly benign things that really set our parents off.

I learned that this behavior was really just the need to control and the fact they they had really conservative ways that clashed with growing up first-gen in California. Maybe some of it was because our parents felt powerless? Maybe because they were fairly alone in a new country, where they didn’t speak the language and had 4 children before 30? Either way, that phrase followed us most of early childhood and truly put a few things into perspective that I’ve had to unpack that I can sum up to: 

1. Si me mando sola. Nadie me puede decir que hacer con mi tiempo, mi cuerpo y menos prohibirme cosas que no dañan a los demás. 
2. Obedience is not simply given, even when it’s people you love. Being forced to do things “porque aquí mando yo” is damaging because you teach children obedience is the only answer and they take this lesson with them into adulthood. Have conversations with your children, they’re navigating this world too.   
3. It’s okay to extend grace to those that did the best they could with what they knew. Self reflection takes time, and we can’t expect everyone to be where we are on our path. So wish them well if you have to and meet again when the time is right